


Bend or Break

by BA1007



Series: Fathers Tried [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst, Because I love putting my otp through angst, F/M, Fade to Black, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Smut, Superfamily, Superfamily (Marvel), Superhusbands, Superhusbands (Marvel), Why Did I Write This?, and Heartbreak, i'm sorry for any typos, tw: counseling, tw: parents fighting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-01 02:08:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12146349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BA1007/pseuds/BA1007
Summary: It had been six years since Steve and Tony got married and had begun to raise a child together. Like any other couple, they had their share of problems over the years. But after their never-ending fighting and bickering affected the team, themselves, and their son, they turned to counseling to try to fix their marriage. They recall pivotal moments in their relationship that lead them to where they were now. Will it help?





	1. Code Red

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little clarification: the parts of a chapter that have "Day __" over them, are the days in which they're in counseling. The parts that don't have that, are days or periods of time that came after those counseling sessions.

_Seventy five Percent Area Damage. A team member down. Unexpected foes. There’s something that’s done when any or all of these happen. The Avengers call it: Code Red. It’s a term during a field mission, where they turn to damage control. This is the moment they realize they’ve made an even bigger mess than what they started with. They take a moment to breathe, to let the chaos around them sink in, and think about what to do next. How do they fix what’s been broken?_

 

**_____________________**

 

**Day 1**

This happened like a hurricane. No matter how much they tried, no amount of readiness, could not prepare for the storm that would happen. Counseling was Steve’s idea, and much like every idea he had at the time, Tony didn’t agree. Tony was sure they could work things out on their own, they had before. They’d argue about the Avengers, and what was best for the team. They’d argue about themselves; how Tony would do things behind Steve’s back, and how Steve stubbornness didn’t allow for any other decisions, but his own. “You see things in black and white, and they’re not!” That’s how Tony had put it.

And yet, he was sure their marriage hadn’t reached that point in which they needed more help; that they weren’t the kind of couple. But in the end, he agreed to it; not for Steve, not even for himself, but their six year old son.

Peter.

Neither he nor Steve had ever had regular life, and they’d be damned, if their son would have to go through half the things they went through. _Parents who constantly fought_ , was already something Peter could check off the Like-Fathers-Like-Son list. And Tony wasn’t going to let the list get any bigger.

So they got the best couples therapist they could afford. It was twice a week, for an hour. It sounded like suffocating hell for Tony. He hadn’t felt like locking himself in his lab and tinkering so much, until now. But then he thought about Peter, and waking him up because of their shouting, in the middle of the night, and seeing the look on the young boy’s face. That’s what drew Tony to look at the bright side.

It was only two hours out of the day. Two hours where in which they could actually try to argue and actually have their problems be heard, instead of shouting at each other with no end.

Their first meeting therapist went as well as Tony had expected. The therapist told them to say how they felt about each other, something Tony couldn’t help, but roll his eyes at. They’d done that countless of times, but he was ready to listen to whatever bullshit Steve would come up with.

Steve turned to look at Tony, his arm gently placed over the couch. “I love how - you talk to someone like they’re your best friend, even if it’s your first time meeting them. I love how much confidence you have in yourself-”  Eyebrows raised, Tony wasn’t expecting that. Maybe they really could get somewhere? “Confidence just radiates from you, and I find that great, and honestly, really attractive.” Tony couldn’t help crack a smile at that last comment. “- I love how you play with Peter, and make a different voice for every character, when you're reading a book to him, before bed, and I love how you sleep, and how you’re the first thing I wake up to in the morning.” Tony’s expression softened, his smile growing bigger and letting Steve’s words actually get to him. He wasn’t annoyed anymore he was actually liking this. “And I lov-”

“See, that’s what I’m talking about.” Tony said, interrupting Steve’s comment. He straightened himself up next to Steve. “I wish you’d say this stuff out loud, once in awhile.” Tony pans to the therapist, sighing and letting out a small smile. He was already thinking of what to say back to Steve.

_I love how selfless you are, Steve. I love that you care so much, and that you aren’t afraid to say how you feel. I love that you put everyone else before you and-_

“-I would if you’d let me.”

Tony jerks back at the comment. “What?”

“I was saying them just now, and you interrupted me, Tony.” Steve looks away, frustration slowly growing onto his face. Tony looks back at him. This took another turn he wasn’t expecting. “You cut me off all the time, and you’re too busy trying to speak for me.”

“Why don’t we use the language we talked about using with each other?” Dr. Morton said. And as if it were on queue, Tony rolled his eyes once again.

 _Well that was good while it lasted,_ Tony thought to himself.

Steve even gave the doctor an uncomfortable glance. The blonde opened his mouth once more.“-I feel like you alway interrupt everything I’m trying to say or d-”

“Yeah well I feel you’re constantly accusing me of-”

“I feel like you just did it again!”

Steve looked at the therapist, upset. Dr. Morton smiled, and began jotting something down on his legal pad. “Why don’t we try this again?”

 

_____________________

 

Slow steps were taken down a hallway of a HYDRA base. Steve was in search of some dangerous weapons they'd had gotten a hold of, while Tony the rest of the team were taking care of the useless thugs that were trying to protect the base. They had a clear plan of attack. Bruce, Nat, and Clint would fight the HYDRA infantry, while Tony guided Steve him from above with his suit, and made sure the building's system were offline, and Thor fought off any air or ground attacks.

But they were ready for anything. They had to be, especially Tony. He couldn’t let anything happen, not to the team, Steve, or the weapons they were after. These weapons were Chitauri enhanced, and they’d already fallen into the wrong hands. If they were actually activated, and used, they could have an even bigger problem.

 _“Sir, there are several men headed towards Captain Rogers. I’d advise him to evacuate the building,”_ Jarvis said. Red holograms appeared before Tony’s view, from above. He shot repulsor rays at an oncoming HYDRA vehicle, already thinking of an alternate plan.

“Cap-” he said getting Steve’s attention through the whole team’s earpiece. Tony remembered Dr. Morton’s words on their first day of counseling. He’d asked them to practice saying how they felt, anytime the could “I feel like you should get out of there.”

Steve rolled his eyes at the comment. He’d noticed those Tony saying those two little words, and couldn’t help but get annoyed. It was almost as though Tony had only said that to point out how ridiculous it was that they had to say those words at all. “Well I feel like I’ve almost reached the storage facility. I’m staying,” he said, into his earpiece.

“There are people coming your way, so I feel like it’s better to deal with that later,” Tony snapped back.

“I can take them Tony. We have a plan. Let’s stick to it!”

Tony saw the red figures in his suit only getting closer towards Steve’s direction. Things weren’t looking good. “That’s was before I realized there’d eight men you’re going to have to fight! Get out of there!” he shouted back.

“When you change our clearly developed plan, it makes me feel like you forget that I can take care of myself.” Steve replied louder.

“Guys, looks like I’m all clear. I’m headed towards Cap, and help him out?” Natasha interrupted the bickering, as she dealt with the last of the men she fought off. “-It won’t take me very long.”

“I’m good here, too” Clint voiced.

The team weren’t strangers to Steve and Tony’s arguing. In fact, they were growing used to it. It was Nat, and Bruce that normally found ways to defuse the situation. But Bruce wasn’t himself right now. The Hulk was crashing through a bunker while Nat and Clint spoke into the microphone.

“Who cares what I have to say, right? Why the hell did I even come on this mission-” Tony began, barking into the earpiece.

“I’m here! I found the room. I secured the weapons!” Steve interrupted Tony.

Through his suit, Tony saw a figure that looked like Nat, already headed towards the eight men that were after Steve, inside the building

They’d acquired what they came for, and the mission was officially over.

 

____________________

 

**Day 4**

“This isn’t about Ultron or what you were keeping from me! It never has been!” Steve was on his feet, pacing back and forth, next to Dr. Morton. Usually, It took a lot for Steve to be riled up enough start moving back and forth in order to stay calm, and yet here he was. As it turned out, all it took was Tony telling Steve why he think’\s they haven’t been meeting eye to eye. Meanwhile, Tony was sitting in the same exact spot of the couch he had been, the last three sessions the had.

Taking a breath, Steve stood still, calming himself down. “Six years ago, I found out my best friend, Bucky, was still alive, and under control by some really terrible people. He was alive, and suddenly I had a part of my past I never thought I’d get back. But I realized that it was going to take more than the Avengers, and S.H.I.E.L.D. to try to get him back. So I-”

“-went looking for him by yourself.” Tony said, cutting the man off, and crossing his arms. “You went rogue, and tore the team apart, just to look for Bucky and make sure he was okay.” Tony knew this was going to come up again, especially now, in therapy. These were the kind of things that no matter how much Tony was tried to forget, but he couldn’t. Did he forgive Steve? Yes. Did he forgive Bucky? Yes. But he never forgot.

And having Bucky join the team after it was all over, was just another dull pain Tony would have to get used to, which he did. He got used to Bucky being around, despite the terrible thing he did. He forgave Bucky for Steve, because he loved him. And if Steve could see past all the mess Tony had done before, Tony could see that it hadn’t really been Bucky who killed his parents. It took a long time, but eventually, they were good. They were a family, or at least as close to one as the could get.

Now, Bucky was welcomed. He was taken care of. He was apart of the team. He was even calling Peter his nephew, and “Little Spider”. Bucky was Peter’s uncle; that’s what it looked like to anyone who saw them together, and that’s what Peter referred to him as.

“-but I asked you for help,” Steve replied. “I’d done most of the work, and I was close to finding him, but I just needed your help. And what did you do? The same thing you always do. You weren’t interested, and told me not to worry about it.” Tony glared at the blonde, knowing the man was at least partially true, and he hated that. “So I left.” Steve was getting riled up once again, slowly but surely. His hands were on his waist, trying to keep his cool. “I left, but then I came back.” he paused, looking at the brunette. “I came back for you, because I love you. And then I found out that you’d-”

“Adopted a child who needed a home?” Tony asked. Brown hues stared directly into Steve’s own. He should have suspected Steve would have brought that up as well. Old wounds were beginning ripped open again. Even after six years, and many beautiful memories they shared as a family, it was clear that Steve never could get past big life step of adopting Peter. Tony chose to make without letting him know.

“When Steve had left to find Bucky, I didn’t know how to deal with being alone. I tried drinking, and that worked for a while,” Tony said to the doctor, not bothering to let Steve continue or even look at him. “-until it didn’t. I got alcohol poisoning. I hadn’t had it in such a long time that I was in the hospital for longer that I probably should have been.” He remembered that night so well. It was the night he’d met the little boy he called his son.

“I was in the hospital, and saw Peter, two months premature, and the only baby in an incubator.” Tony leaned in, placing his elbows on his knees and covering his face with his palms. “His parents had gotten into a car accident, while on their way to the hospital, and neither of them survived, but he did, despite all the odds.” He smiled, remembering tiny hands barely moving. “Peter looked like the cutest little alien, and as much as I told myself I wouldn’t, I got attached. I was there, everyday, making sure he lived, and that he was okay, even after I had been released. I found out he had an widowed aunt who loved him, but couldn’t afford to take care of him. So I did what any other person with a conscious and half a heart would, I got clean again, and adopted him. I still don’t know how I was able to do that, but It was the best decision I’d ever make and I don’t regret it," Tony glared at Steve once again, making sure he heard every word. "So what?”

Dr. Morton was writing faster than he could, taking notes, and listening to everything Tony had to say. Up until now, Tony hadn’t said much during these sessions, until now. When it came to Peter, Tony wouldn’t ever stop talking.

“So what?!” Steve asked back, brows furrowing. “I was so in love with you, Tony. I just wanted to be with you, no matter what it took. I didn’t have time to think about any of this, because you make every decision without realizing how it’ll affect the people around you. I came back, and suddenly you were a father, but if being with you meant-”

Tony clenched his jaw, trying so hard not to bark anything back, but he couldn’t in his words any longer. “Are you going to say what I think you’re going to say?!”

After all, this was what therapy was for, right?

“Can you let me finish what I have to sa-”

“I trapped you into a kid, a kid you didn’t want, and now you’re stuck.” Tony knew that would hurt. He’d said it with every intentions for it to hurt. He knew how strongly Steve felt about this. That was the farthest thing from the truth. Steve loved Peter like his own. Everyone knew it, hell Tony saw it everyday. The comment was a low blow, one that Tony didn’t care about how much it would hurt his husband.

Steve was furious. Anger burned through his eyes. He didn’t care about trying to calm down. All bets were clearly off at this point. “Don’t you EVER say that I don’t love Peter, or that I regret him! I regret that you made the decision without at least letting me know. You make all the choices, Tony, and every time I try to make a decision for myself, you make me feel like the worst person alive!”

“I’m sorry,” Tony replied, emotionless. “Did I make you feel selfish when you decided to sleep with another person?”

Silence.

That was what followed. It seemed to last an eternity. Steve’s eyes soften, and slowly, guilt crept in. There was a weight he felt on his chest that he hadn’t, since the night he’d had the affair, almost four months ago. “-That’s- that’s not what I meant, and you know it. I just meant that every time I-”

Tony sighed, biting his lip, and gathered himself as he stood up, getting ready to leave. He was over this, over all of it, at least for today. “Tony we aren't done here, yet.” Dr. Morton said, as Tony was headed towards the door.

He placed his red-shaded glasses over his eyes, and buttoned up his suit, before turning the doorknob and passing Steve and the therapist .

“-Yeah well, it feels pretty done,” he said as he walked out of the room.

 

____________________

 

_Code Red; No Avenger ever wants to call it. Everyone thinks they can handle the chaos around them. They think they're invisible, that they can do it all, that they don't need extra help. They'll fight like hell, before they even think about calling it. After all, they are superheroes, right? But there's a reason they have the code in the first place. It's there to help, to fix things, before the irreversible damage is done. The question is: when they do decide to call it, will it be too late?_


	2. The Reset Button

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple of days into counseling, and old wounds begin to open, while undealt with feelings begin to come to light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just like before, the parts of a chapter that have "Day __" over them, are the days in which they're in counseling. The parts that don't have that, are days or periods of time that came after those counseling sessions.

_If there’s one thing every and any kind of engineer makes sure to include when building something, it is a reset button. It allows them to start over if they mess up. It’s the worst feeling in the world when they do have to push it, knowing that all the hard work and careful planning that has been done up to the point is suddenly deleted or destroyed. And yet, as ridiculous as it sounds, it’s necessary._

 

____________________

 

Two board members stood facing each other, going back in forth with each other. Pepper sat next to Tony like she always had, listening. She wrote down anything and everything that was important, and taking both of the points of both board members into consideration. They were arguing about what the Stark Industries budgeting plans for the next year. One wanted to extend the company to more foreign countries, allowing them to reach places they hadn’t before, while the other wanted to work on developing the next generation of Stark Technology.

It was important. Tony should have been listening to what they both were saying. Both had good arguments to make, Tony was sure of it. And yet he was silent, not showing any signs of actually paying attention.

But looks could be deceiving.

Really, Tony’s mind felt like it was going a million miles a second. He’d said what he’d said on their last session, and then left Steve and Doctor Morton. That afternoon Tony headed straight their house where Rhodey had been babysitting Peter. Before, Tony would have locked himself in his shop and tinkered with anything he could find or build another suit he probably wouldn’t even use. He would do this until he couldn’t anymore.

But now, the only thing he could thought of was Peter and seeing the big smile on his face. And that’s exactly what he’d done that afternoon. He took Peter to the park and played with him for hours. They ran around playground, and he pushed the young boy on the swing for hours, until Peter himself told Tony he was tired. That was Tony’s queue, and that night Peter fell asleep the second his head fell onto the pillow.

The last therapy session was probably the worst one yet. He felt like things were getting worse instead of better. All this was doing was opening up old wounds, those that he’d everything he could to stitch together.

_Did I make you feel bad when you decided to sleep with another person?_

The question played in his mind over and over again, and with it, the flushed look on Steve’s face.

He remembered that night, all too well.

It had happened four months ago.

The Avengers were all working late due to a terrible storm that had come straight for New York. Anyone who worked at the base was running around, doing whatever they could to keep each other safe. There was some flooding of the first floor of the base. A tree had even been uprooted and crashed into part of the building. It was chaos that night. Aliens and terrorists were one thing, but how do you fight mother nature? He’d been dealing with the Coast Guard and The Stark Relief Foundation. He made sure both corporations were doing their jobs in providing a safe place for anyone who needed it.

Tony had barely seen Steve that day. They’d both been so busy, but he was sure he was safe, somewhere. Peter was safe as well; he and the rest of the base day care were safely waiting for the storm to pass in an underground bunker.

It was chaos, but they handled it.

Hours after, Tony had finally got a chance to breathe. He hadn’t realized how tired he actually was until he’d finally hung up the phone. He was headed towards the bunker to see Peter when from an on-call room door stepped Steve. They locked eyes and Tony immediately walked over to him. Before Steve got a chance to say anything he crashed into a hug, digging his face into taller man's chest. “I’ve got the biggest headache that I’m no amount of coffee will fix,” he muffled. He breathed in, expecting to take in that man's natural scent, the one that he absolutely loved. Instead, he was met with something much different.

Brows furrowed at the stench of cheap perfume. Women’s perfume.

That’s when Tony looked up at Steve’s face. The mans blonde locks were messier than usual. He stood silent as he stepped back, analyzing the body before.

Steve looked like he’d seen a ghost.If the flushed look on Steve’s face hadn’t given it away, it was the woman that opened the door behind Steve. She was fixing her tight ponytail, when her eyes met Tony’s own,

The last thing Tony ever thought would happen to them, was now confirmed.

If he was being honest, Tony always thought he’d be the one to cheat. It was a terrible thing to say so he’d kept that thought to himself.

Tony never thought Steve would be the unfaithful one. He could have bet his entire empire that if one of them had ever had an affair it would have been himself. Steve was supposed to be the good one in the relationship, the loyal one, the one who stood by him, and remained true for as long as they lived.

That’s what a marriage was supposed to mean.

“Mr. Stark? Mr. Stark!” The voice of a man brought him out of the memory he’d been too deep in. One of the board members stared at him, waiting for an answer to a question he hadn’t heard. Tony sighed as he straightened himself back up onto his chair. “What do you think about the Stark Relief Foundation?”

“What about it?” Tony’s brows furrowed. He wondered what the hell the man was getting at.

“Well, Sir. There seems to be a lot of money invested in it. Money that could very well be used for one of our programs.” The man responded, panning to the women he’d been arguing with. “I feel as though-”

“I’m gonna stop you right there, and give that a hard pass.” Tony said. Those was his first word since the meeting had begun. “That’s the worst thing you could have said! We’re not going to take a dime away from that program,” He continued, raising his voice.

“I understand that, Sir, but something has to be-”

“No!” Tony shouted. “The Stark Relief Foundation not only helps after substantial damage has been done, but it helps the homeless, and many underfunded institutions - like orphanages.” Tony stood up, meeting the man’s gaze. “-and I don’t think I have to remind you that I have an adopted six year old son!” The board member stood still. He’d definitely had pinched Tony’s worst nerve, and it wasn’t until Tony’s unexpected response that he’d realized that.

There was an uncomfortable silence that followed. Tony had a point; no one would argue with him about that. But he couldn’t help but know that wasn’t the board member's idea that caused his uproar. It was the memory of Steve’s affair, and how Tony was in tears shouting at his husband, asking him what the hell was he thinking, and why the hell would he fuck another random person.

“Okay everyone. This is a good place to stop,” Pepper said, filling the silence. She stood up, gathering the papers before her. “Thank you for your time, we’ll pick this up again next week.” The rest of the men and women in the room stood up as well, and hurried their way out of the door.

It was as if Tony could feel their eyes on him as they walked by. He wondered if they knew what was really going on. Steve and Tony had had agreed not to fight at work, but things were never as simple as a verbal agreement anymore. The rest of the Avengers knew about their problems. Who was to say anyone else didn’t.

Pepper waited until it was just her and Tony were the only people in the room before she said anything. “You’re usually good at acting like you’re okay,” she said, looking at Tony. “What’s going on, Tony?”

Pinching the bridge of his nose Tony sat back down, trying to clear his head. This was Pepper. Tony could talk to her about anything. He knew that. She was, and would always be, by his side. “It’s just-” he said, trying to hold back watery eyes. “-I keep giving, and forgiving, and it seems like all I’m getting back is shit, if that.”

Tony didn’t have to explain anymore. Pepper knew. She sat back down next to him, placing her hand over his. Pepper was the person Tony could always count on, she always had been. She was was the one who helped with the Iron Man suits, she helped run Stark Industries, when Tony chose to devote his time to the Avengers, she was the person who assured the judge Tony would be the best father for Peter.

Pepper was his person.

It was the warmth of Pepper’s palm that allowed Tony’s tears to finally fall.

 

____________________

 

**Day 5**

 

If Tony could pinpoint a moment all of their problems had really begun it was the night of the storm, the night that Steve had the affair. They had problems before, but they always found a way to push through them and try to find a light in what seemed to be the darkest tunnel.

“I feel like all I’ve done is everything you’ve asked me to do.” Tony said, looking away from the window of Dr. Morton’s office, and back at Steve.

He was the one who was standing up now, while Steve sat across the room. Dr. Morton sat between them, quietly listening to what they had to say. “You asked me to take you back after you left to find Bucky, and I did. You asked me to forgive Bucky for killing my parents, and somehow I did that too. And now he has his own freaking room in our house that, guess what? You asked me for.”

Steve watched as Tony spoke, trying his best not cut the man off. The second Tony was finished he opened his mouth. “Are you seriously going to throw the house in my face?” Steve asked, holding back his irritation. “It was supposed to be for Peter so that he could live in a good place, where he can run around, and be the kid that you and I never got to be.” he continued. “I never wanted that house for myself. If it weren’t for the house, he’d be stuck in the tower or the base every single day.”

Tony knew Steve had a point. He remembered being a kid and hardly ever getting the chance to run around a playground. He always needed to be neatly dressed, and presentable for any occasion. There was never any chance or time to play. Tony remembered how much he hated all of it. He told himself he wouldn’t ever be that way with Peter. Living away from both the tower and the base was a good idea, and that’s exactly what Tony had designed and built for his family. That was their dream house; the one they lived in now.

Jaw clenched, Tony looked for something - anything - that he could shoot out. He didn’t want to bring up the affair, but he knew he had to. The last thing he’d done since their last session was bring up Steve’s unfaithfulness. It had been clearly been weighing in him since then.

“And what about that night? The night of the storm, when you slept with a random women?” He wasn’t going to leave this time, no matter how much he wanted to. “I forgave you for that as well.”

Steve fell silent, like he had in their last session. It was as if the mention of that night caused Steve to shut down. The blonde wasn’t moving anymore. His gaze fell to the floor as his fingers intertwined with each other.

“Did you?” Doctor Morton asked. That must have been the first few words she’d said since they had begun the session. This needed dealt with and talked about. Tony thought they had moved past this, but it was clear now that they hadn’t. “Did you really forgive Steve for having an affair?”

Tony brow’s furrowed at the question. “What do you mean? Of course I did. We wouldn’t have come this far since then if I hadn’t.” He crossed his arms, wondering what the hell the therapist was going with such a ridiculous question.

“Steve, do you feel forgiven for what you did?” Doctor Morton asked. Steve was sat motionless between Tony and Dr. Morton. Tony’s brown hues panned from the women over to his husband waiting for a response.

This was something Steve couldn’t talk about. He hadn’t spoken a word about it since Tony ‘forgave him’, or so he says he did. Suddenly, he felt ten times heavier. He felt like he was drowning and couldn’t move. The blonde had to remember the reason they were here in this room. They came to therapy to talk about things, things that were too painful to dig back up. It was those very painful things that needed to be dug up and talked about.

“I don’t,” Steve finally mustard. His eyes were still focused on the design on the carpet underneath his shoes.

“What do you mean?” Tony replied.

The blonde finally looked up, taking a deep breath before looking back at Tony. “I don’t feel like you’ve really forgiven me, Tony. I did the worst thing imaginable, and you said so many terrible things to me; which I know I deserved.” Tony was the one that fell silent now. “- but then you didn’t speak to me. You avoided me any chance you got, and you were only around when Peter needed both of us. For days, it was like I didn’t exist.” Steve’s eye were low, as if tears were going to fall. “Then from one day to another you acted like nothing had happened between us. You started talking to me again, and we never talked about anything.”

Steve’s words were like damn breaking, one that Tony wasn’t ready for. Steve was right; during that period of silence after the affair Tony hadn’t say a word to Steve. At first, Tony thought that was the best way to try to process it all. That was his way of coping with it. It wasn’t until now that he realized how unhealthy that was; not just for himself but for Steve.

“You never even asked me why,” Steve voiced. “You forgave me just like that, but you never asked me why I did it.”

“Do you really think that’s something I want to know?” Tony asked making his way to the couch. “I didn’t ask because I didn’t want to hate you more than I already had, Steve.”

“And not talking to me then forgiving me without even talking about it, is the next best thing? How’s that’s even possible?” Steve finally let his eye fill with tears. “-I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you forgave me, but-” he said, taking in another deep breath. “-I just don’t know why.”

“You want me to ask you why?!” Tony said, very clearly on his way to lose his temper once again. “Why Steve? Why did you go and fuck another person, a _women_ , to be exact?”

Shame came in the form of tears racing down Steve’s cheeks. He was going to show a part of himself he hardly let anyone see. To everyone else, including Tony, Steve Rogers was Captain America, the symbol of liberty and justice. He had to be. Steve had to have it all together. He needed to have all the answers and everything figured out. People were counting on him to. Tony was counting on him to.

But the truth was that Steve Rogers, despite being God’s right hand man, didn’t have it all together. There were questions he didn’t know the answers to, problems he had no solution for.

Steve Rogers was human.

“She came on to me,” Steve mustered through the tears. “She had been trying to for days, before the night of the storm. I’d made it clear that I wasn’t interested, and she knew who I was married to,” Steve looked at the carpet again, not knowing what else to focus on his eyes on. “We’d been out in the storm, getting people to safety that night. And afterwards, we were both in the on-call room and that’s when she kissed me.” Tears fell, replacing those that came before them. “She kissed me, and I wanted to pull back, but-” Steve paused, preparing himself for tell Tony piece he swore he never would

Tony glared at Steve, listening to the things he should have known months ago. His own tears were threatening to fall.

“-But she was a women, and that’s-  that’s what I was raised to believe. That sex was supposed to be with a man and a women.”

Confusion fell first onto Tony’s face, followed by anger and more tears. “You slept with a women because of your prehistoric homophobic beliefs? You know how ridiculous that sounds? Do you realize you’re married to a man?” Tony asked. Even in heartbreak, he still managed to be a sarcastic asshole.

“I know and I love you, but it’s not that simple, Tony!” Steve said, wiping tears away from puffy eyes. “When I got out of the ice I had to get used to this new world, one that I never thought I’d live to see. And there were things I never thought I’d experience; one of them being how much I loved you.”

Tony was still very much confused, he didn’t understand what Steve was getting at. “So what you have some kind of internalized homophobia?” Tony spat. “That’s something you should have thought about before you decided to marry a man!”

“God, can you let me finish talking?!” Steve said, finally shouting. “How the hell do expect me to deal with loving you when I grew up with the beliefs that were ingrained in me?!” Steve shot up, while tears kept falling down. “Please put yourself in my shoes for one goddamn second, and think about how it must feel to love a man when you were taught that loving a man was wrong? And I never told you because it’s okay to love whoever you want now, and I love you so much, Tony-”

“-And I love you, too Steve but-” Tony said, trying to step closer to his husband.

“-but you make it so hard!” Steve said, before Tony could finish. “You make it impossible to love you sometimes! You don’t ever let me finish speaking, and you always choose to do things without letting me or anyone else know, and you don’t get what I’ve been dealing with for the last eleven years. I’ve lost my entire world, and I’ve never felt like I’ve dealt with it it, not like I should have.”

“What? You don’t you think I’ve lost things too?” Tony shouted back.

“I’m not saying you didn’t! I know you lost your parents, and that must be the worst pain for you, but you didn’t lose a whole lifetime! I did!” Those words were freeing. It was like Steve the weight of the world he’d lost on his shoulders, and finally being able to let it all out gave him the opportunity to let go.

Tony wanted to say something, anything, to fill the silence that came afterwards. Very few times had he ever actually been speechless. More often than not, he’d knew what to say, when to say it, and how to say it. But now words were failing him.

All he could think of was how long Steve had been feeling this way, how long had the man he’d been married to and was raising a son with, had been keeping those feelings to himself. Up until this point, Tony thought that Steve was the one person he knew like the back of his hand. Steve was supposed to be the person who’d tell him everything.

But things weren’t that simple. They hadn’t been for along time, and both he and Steve were just now figuring that out.

“There’s clearly a lot things neither of you have discussed with each other,” Dr. Morton said. She’d been so quiet, Tony had almost forgotten she was in the room. “I think it’s time to hit the reset button.” She said, as she placed her legal pad on her laps.

“Okay,” Steve replied, as he took a breath and tried gathering himself. “What is that?” Steve asked as he wiped away his tear stains.

Tony finally sat back down on the couch, next to him.

“Have you two ever considered spending some time apart?” The doctor asked. “Because a break can actually be-”

“You mean a separation?” Tony replied immediately. “We’re trying to save our marriage, not destroy it.” His words were hostile, already disliking the idea. They had come to learn to be closer together, and the therapist seemed like all she was doing was tearing them apart. “I don’t want to do that.”

“Let her finish,” Steve said, as he turned to Tony.

Dr. Morton placed a leg over the other and intertwined her fingers. “Don’t think of it as a separation,” she began. “You two have gone through so much, and now you’re completely different people than when you first got together. It seems like the problem here is that neither of you even realized it.”

Tony was nodding against the idea, as he heard the woman's words. In the corner of his eyes, he saw Steve do the complete opposite, nodding in agreeance. “I believe it would be very helpful for both of you to rediscover who you two are,” Dr. Morton smiled, as she finished her pitch.

“ _Break_ , _Separation_ , it’s the same thing, doc.” Tony said. A smile broke through his lips, not believing what he was hearing. “It’s the first step to divorce.” Tony turned back to look at Steve. “This is what you wanted? To be in tears and-”

“Tony, let her finish!” Steve snapped back. Tony fell back against his the couch, slouching as much as he could.

“In my experience, couples come to therapy for one of two reasons,” Dr. Morton voiced. “Either one person wants out, and they need help telling the other, or both desperately want to fight to make it work.”

“Well we want to make it work, right?” Tony asked, looking at Steve.

“- right. Yes.” Steve replied, barely looking at Tony. There was a moment of hesitation in the blonde's voice that Tony noticed. The genius really wished it was just his mind playing trick on him, but he saw it for sure.

“A break is not an end,” Morton continued, as Tony’s brows furrowed at Steve. “A break is a tool to help make all of this work for as long as you two feel is necessary. Then we come together during our sessions and slowly reevaluate the relationship.”

“-No I don’t like it,” Tony said, in the same distasteful tone he used before. “That sounds unrealistic. We’re supposed to be getting closer by coming to you, and what you’re saying is that we need more space? No, what we need is more time together, not apart.” Tony sat upright, looking at Steve once again. The blonde was silent.  “That’s how you make things work, right? By learning to be together?” Tony continued to look at Steve, waiting for some kind of reaction from the man. “No break, right?” He asked his husband.

Morton was silent, she’d offered that as a suggestion, and while Tony had made his opinion clear, the decision fell onto Steve.

“I-” Steve finally mustered. “I think we should take a break,” he said, nodding, and finally looking at Tony.

Tony didn’t believe what he was hearing.

Was this really happening?

 

____________________

 

_What if life had a reset button? Wouldn’t that be nice? How many times would we have pressed it, and started all over again? Would we have chosen to go right instead of left? Would we have chosen to or not to do something? How many times would we be willing to completely throw away everything we had worked hard to build, to create, to establish, and start from scratch. If life did have a reset button, you’d be damn sure it would have been broken by now, with how many times it would have been used._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is! The second chapter! Please let me know what you guy's think. Would love some feedback! Thanks for reading
> 
> Also, I just want to give a little shout out to the user, depthsofmysoul,l for helping me out with Steve's and some of the editing for the chapter! They're great!

**Author's Note:**

> So I came up with this little heartbreaking work, while watching my most favorite guilt pleasure: Grey's Anatomy. If you don't know the show, there's a couple that goes through a very similar situation. And if you do, I won't say who I'm talking about lol. But I got the skeleton of that couples story arch, and placed Steve and Tony in their place. I thought about what would happen if Steve and Tony were married. How they'd deal with their problems, and juggle being Avengers, public figures, and most importantly, fathers. Are they going to make it through this together, in the end? Hell if I know. *shrugs*
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed this! Again I apologize for the typos. I'm thinking that I'm going to this a series. Let me know what you guys think!


End file.
